出氣筒小黃
Gingerlet, the Pushover

說起打哈欠，我想起我對家里那只貓下的“毒手”。每次他打哈欠，只要我在附近轉悠，總歸忍不住把一根手指探進他張得大大的嘴里。Speaking of yawning, I am reminded of what I used to do to my cat. Whenever my cat yawned, if I was around, I would stick a finger in his wide-open mouth. For me, the temptation was simply too great to resist. 他也是個愛享樂的主兒，打哈欠時，自然緊閉雙眼（否則打得不夠暢快），因此我的小動作，他是看不見的，直到嘴巴再次合攏時，舌尖頂著我的手指了，才嚇一跳，忙不迭地用毛茸茸的舌頭把我手指拱出去。You see, when he was performing a big yawn, he would invariably shut his eyes（that's a must if you want to have a sinfully decadent oxygen boost）, which meant he couldn't see what I was doing, until he closed his mouth again and felt my finger in it. Startled, he would try to get my finger out of his mouth with frantic, reflexive pushes of his furry tongue.

后來，他就盡量不在我身邊打哈欠了。偶爾，剛張開嘴，突然若有所悟，趕緊合上，幽幽地走開了。能把打了一半的哈欠煞住，也是一種了不起的功夫啊！As a result of that, my cat stopped yawning in my vicinity. Occasionally, he would catch himself as he was about to open his mouth, think for a second, decide to abort yawning and walk away. No mean feat that was.

看官可能會說：“嘖嘖，多可憐的貓咪！”‘Poor cat!’you might lament.

其實，他之所以可憐，不光因為攤上個以騷擾他為樂的小主人。In fact, this cat friend of mine evokes pity not just because he had the misfortune of being a mischievous boy's pet. 他的狗伙伴“黑獅”最初對他也不太友善。雖然我們本來沒指望他倆擦出什么火花四濺的兄弟情，但貓咪初來乍到，黑獅二話不說就動用了“滅火器”，還是讓我們大跌眼鏡。His canine housemate, Heishi (Black Lion), wasn't exactly a doting big brother to him at the beginning either. Although we hadn't expected them to get on with each other like a house on fire, the use of a ‘water cannon’ by Heishi on the first day was the last thing we had expected. 罪過罪過，差點忘了，我家的貓叫小黃。您猜對了，黃色貍花貓是也。By the way, my cat had a very common name: Xiaohuang（Little Yellow）. He was, you guessed it, a ginger tabby.（I shall call him Gingerlet in this book. Just to be fair to Heishi, I shall also give him a European name in the context of this book. From now on, his name shall be Leo-noir.）

黑獅比小黃的資格老?？伤B自己的“窩”都沒有，更不用說正兒八經的“狗屋”了。他平時就趴在某個角落里打盹或歇息，天冷了，才領到一個蒲團，墊在身下。Leonoir had joined our family before Gingerlet did. Leonoir did not have a ‘nest’ of his own, still less a ‘kennel’. He would sleep or lounge in a corner inside the house, unless it was too cold, in which case he had a cushion to sleep on. 那個年代“寵物狗”的標配大致如此，它們充其量只能在主人跟前討些歡心，就物質條件而言，“寵”字實在談不上，因為主人的生活一般來說也相當艱苦。That seems to be the standard setup for ‘pet’ dogs（underdogs, more like）in those days when their human owners were by and large living a fairly spartan, if not needy, life. Pets might get some ‘petting’, but hardly any pampering. 更何況，在當時的中國，家養(yǎng)的小動物除了陪伴主人外，往往還各自肩負著自己“養(yǎng)家糊口”的重任。In fact, besides keeping their owners company, most of the small domestic animals were also expected to perform certain practical functions that established their raison d'être. 譬如，貓可以抓老鼠或把它們嚇跑（當?shù)胤窖越小氨偈蟆保?，狗可以給主人看家，雞和鴨呢？它們可以下蛋，貼補家用。For example, cats could catch or deter rats; dogs could guard their owners' property. Chickens and ducks? Their eggs could be sold to supplement the family income.（這也情有可原，因為寵物在其它動物眼里很可能屬于富貴階級、特權階層，沐浴在人類的青睞和保護中，既然地位高貴、養(yǎng)尊處優(yōu)，自然責任重大，不容推卸。What with their elevated status in the human world vis-à-vis their peers in the wild, their enjoyment of human affection and protection and their entitlement to sundry other privileges in the comfort of a home, it stands to reason - and to the logic of noblesse oblige - that pets had to hold up their end of the bargain by contributing to their owners' well-being, one way or another.）而貓咪似乎是當時人們唯一的寵愛對象，也許是因為它們柔，抱著舒服，它們弱，能勾起人類的保護欲，它們的嬉戲，能激發(fā)人類的童趣。所以，人類跟貓狗玩耍的方式和態(tài)度也不同：對狗比較“粗暴”，對貓則比較輕柔。Any semblance of mollycoddling, however, tended to go to cats, possibly because they were more cuddly, their apparent vulnerability appealed to the protective instinct of human beings and/or their ludic ways tickled them in exactly the right place. Rough-and-tumble was reserved for dogs; cats were typically handled with kid gloves. 小黃到我家后，我爸就用一個舊“飯焐子”，在里面鋪上軟布，給小黃做了一個很舒服的窩。That is why after Gingerlet was welcomed into our family, my father made a very ‘cosy’ bed out of an old rice cooker ‘cosy’ by lining it with soft fabrics.

黑獅覺得這個小不點兒剛進家門就如此受寵，太不像話，羨慕嫉妒恨頓時涌上心頭。That was just too much for Leonoir. He felt overslaughed. He seethed with envy, jealousy and resentment, in that order.

黑獅毫不掩飾自己的情緒，沒等到第二天，就給小黃來了一個下馬威。Leonoir made no attempt to disguise his feelings. He did something nasty to put Gingerlet in his place on the very first day. 起初他只是在小黃的窩邊嗅來嗅去，我以為他只是好奇，沒太在意，誰知一不留神，他突然跳進新窩，邊踩踏邊快速轉圈。我看見了，一邊呵斥一邊一個箭步沖過去，但為時晚矣！就在我趕到前，他已經以迅雷不及掩耳之勢，在小黃的新居里撒了一泡尿，撒丫子跑了！I noticed he was sniffing round Gingerlet's bed and thought he was just being curious, no cause for alarm. When I wasn't looking his way, he jumped into the nest all of a sudden and ran in circles while stomping on the ‘bedding’. I saw what he was doing, yelled at him and sprinted across the room. But it was too late: By the time I got there, he had peed, at an impressive speed, into Gingerlet's new bed and skedaddled!